My Whole Voice
There is a tension between letting go and having enough muscular engagement to sing well, easily. There is a tension between flopping and holding, projecting and holding back, streaming the breath and controlling it, letting go and letting in – letting the breath, mind and will IN to my body, IN to my heart, so that breath and sound can scour all the dark corners of my interior caves – the land of childhood and sisters, playing school, boyfriends, all the years of holding back, parenting, love, adult children, middle age, exploring the nooks and crannies of my experience, the wonders of who I am, of who I’m afraid to be, the inner singing doubts, the certain push from my soul, all of it, without labels or judgment, just listening, looking, accepting it all, each precious moment of my precious life.
on the beach at Santa Barbara at sunset
Of course, this includes embarrassment, vulnerability, misbehavior, secrets, mistakes, challenges, hard feelings, the stuff that churns and bloats, gassy and uncomfortable. In this moment, I want it all because that’s the way to my whole voice. I can’t have my whole voice without accepting and loving my whole life, the failures and celebrations, the blessings and difficult gifts, my own holding back and letting go. My whole voice acknowledges and accepts all of who I am. It’s a wondrous practice.
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