Just Play!

“The purpose of music is to discover and be who I am. There is no “ought to know how.” There is only the uncovering of

my piano

ourselves as we polish or present our sound.”
~WA Mathieu

I came upon this quote while cleaning out the piles of paper and music that have accumulated in my studio. Reading it again made me stop, sit still and breathe.
My husband, Paul, and I have been playing more music together. In this current iteration of Peggo & Paul, I am playing piano on many more songs than I used to, freeing Paul to play more creatively on the guitar. Playing the piano with the right chords and notes in the right time is a challenge for me. I am getting better at it, which is quite a lot of fun.
And then a moment will come in rehearsal or performance when my judgmental mind begins to notice and comment louder and louder on everything wrong – every misplaced finger, every note not in time, every botched chord. All I can hear is the litany of what is bad about my playing. This negative harangue soon colors all of my thoughts. I have to take a time-out.
When this happened at a recent rehearsal, Paul said, “We are playing music. This is about play, not right or wrong. Just play.”
What I discovered is that I like to play piano, but my critical mind thinks it’s in charge. It doesn’t know how to play. We have declared a truce – my inner critic and I. We each get our time – time for me to mess about on black and white keys and time for my inner teacher to help me to become a better pianist. The blessing of music is it pushes me to grow beyond my limited concepts, inviting me to be who I am and just play.